her glamorous life

Paycheck

2011-08-09T16:15:00.000-04:00

61-70

2011-04-04T09:04:00.003-04:00

61. The sweetness of an infant baptism Sealed by His Spirit, washed in His blood.

62. My pretty little girl in her Sunday dress, pearls, and bow running barefoot wild in the backyard with her cousin, a bunch of boys, and a football.

63. Cold beer on a warm afternoon

64. Birds that sweetly sing outside my window to cheer me out of my horrendous mood.

65. A kitchen full of groceries

66. Warm sunshine

67. A slower-paced morning and no lunch box packing

68. Fresh oranges

69. Big hugs from a precious boy

70. Blooming azaleas and dogwoods

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago

2011-04-04T08:24:00.001-04:00

It is truly a FEAT to find a photo of myself in my sea of picture files. I wanted so badly to post a picture of Molly's baptism here because it was almost exactly two years ago, but for the life of me I can't find one of me and her! I have a bunch of just her and lots of family with her, but not me. Typical.

Here is one of me on Easter Sunday two years ago. I had actually just started working at the church and was taking a quick picture of me and my sweet boy #1.

We will make no comments about how much lighter my hair is in the picture below than it is here. *ahem*

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

2011-04-04T08:13:00.001-04:00

I have a lot of favorite photos of my best friend, but I'll just randomly pick this one because it's a rare shot of just the two of us.

We met April 26, 1993, began dating exclusively on November 1, 1993, were engaged on January 12, 1997, and married on November 29, 1997. No one on earth knows me better or loves me more!

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date

2011-03-28T13:51:00.006-04:00

What an interesting question to ask a 36 year-old, married, mother of three. I mean, my first official date was 16 years ago and it was an awkward disaster. We went to some Italian restaurant in the Warehouse Row district that was probably a little too upscale for two teenagers. (It was his idea because I would have totally been fine with Rax and a movie at the mall.)

I wore a white mini skirt from The Gap (note: not just straight up Gap, which is what The Gap morphed into in later, more trendy years.) My shirt was a lime green and white striped button down that I tucked in and sealed off with a big ass pink grosgrain ribbon as my belt. I definitely wore brand new white Keds and I believe, if my memory serves, that my socks were lime green to match my stripey shirt. It was definitely raining and I definitely got rear-ended by my best friend in her VW Cabriolet on my way to pick up my boarding student date. It was obviously a Hallmark moment in my life as I have absolutely no recollection of the rest of the story whatsoever.

I'm looking at this question from different perspectives.

1. How would I have liked my first date to have actually played out?
2. What is my perfect date now?

#1 - My first date
It probably would've worked out better if I had actually liked the guy and enjoyed his company rather than being painted into a corner because he was the only one left in our "group" that wasn't already attached. Leftovers. Still don't like 'em.

#2 - My perfect date now
We started regular date nights about a year ago, and although they've become fewer and farther between, we still get a babysitter once a month and go out. We used to think we needed it to be a momentous occasion - a nice restaurant, a show of some sort, a little dressed up. But after the baby girl was born, I didn't want to be more than like, five minutes from my house and the sweet junior high babysitter. So we opted for pizza at a local place that was - in fact - like, five minutes from my house. It has good pizza, casual atmosphere, outdoor seating, and cold beer. Now it's our favorite place. Because really, a perfect date for us is any out-of-the-house experience that doesn't include kid's meals or diapers.

Hidden Blessings: 51-60

2011-03-28T13:21:00.002-04:00

In honor of today's less than appealing weather, I'm going to write the hidden blessings in things that are otherwise making me crazy.

51. The sound of rain at night

52. The warmth of my old family quilt

53. The green in places where brown used to be

54. The chance to use our fireplace again

55. More Monday night cancellations that allow me to participate in 99 cent Taco Night with the fam.

56. Being able to pick up my child after school. I always wanted to be picked up in a car instead of the bus when I was little, so I like being able to do it for my own.

57. The sweetness of my baby girl falling asleep in my bed while watching Cinderella (throwing off her nap schedule which will throw off our whole afternoon but oh yeah I'm focusing on the blessings.)

58. Dirty, wet soccer cleats and smelly socks thrown in my entryway - signs of healthy, active little ones in the house.

59. "One more chapter, Mom!" - when my eyes are closing and it's almost an hour past bedtime.

60. A sweet and precious and loud five year-old screaming, "Mommy! Mommy!" as he comes home from school - just that happy to see me.

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today

2011-03-24T11:26:00.000-04:00

I should've taken a picture of coffee because it was the favorite thing I ate/drank/inhaled today, but to be fair and follow the rules I will give you a picture of actual food.

I must tell you that I love these things but they are pricey little boxes. The kiddos are forbidden because the cereal will end up a floating mushy mess. I only get them when they are BOGO and I have coupons - and even then I try to eat smaller bowls.

Having two mortgages for over a year will teach you three things:

1. What's important

2. Who your friends are

3. How to be the weird and annoying coupon lady that everyone hates at the grocery store

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

2011-03-23T10:17:00.003-04:00

Alrighty - let's begin with this photo. I love it for many reasons.

1. It is a terrible photo taken with my phone in bad lighting. Like most of my photos.

2. I am wearing a scarf, which is part of my uniform - jeans, shirt, different scarf to feel daring. Today's scarf: Coral! Zany!

3. If you look closely, you can see the kitchen table in the background - markers everywhere, old cereal bowl from breakfast a la three hours ago, and Easter Egg tree as our centerpiece sticking out from the side of my head.

Part 2: How was my day?

I mean, it's 10:00, so I've been awake for like, 6 hours. I've showered (bonus!), thrown some cereal at some kids, dropped off at preschool, grabbed coffee at Starbucks, done two loads of laundry and laughed at the floors in bathroom because they think I'm cleaning them today.

Okay, blog challenge, day one is complete. I am so completed for the day. Except for the 876 other loads of laundry I have to do and all that jazz.

Later my taters.

30 Day Blog Challenge

2011-03-23T10:02:00.001-04:00

I love to write, and actually, I used to write a lot. Having three children has just kind of killed the writing buzz, I guess. I could write about my children, but writing was always a creative outlet for me - not a journal writing exercise. I can barely find time to blog and when I do I feel so pressured to crank out something well written and meaningful that I freeze up and just walk away. There's always laundry to do anyway.

My sweet friend in California is doing this 30 Day Blog Challenge and she has inspired me to try it out. As much as I wish I could just freely pour out wise and witty words, I think it would be nice to use daily topics. I will try to write each day, but I'm going to go and tell you that I'll be skipping around. And what's with all the photos? No like. Will skip.

Here's how it goes:

The 30-Day Blog Challenge…
Day 01 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 02 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 03 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 04 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 05 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 06 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 07 – Your dream wedding.
Day 08 – A song to match your mood.
Day 09 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

41-50

2011-03-21T16:55:00.002-04:00

41. God's perfect timing

42. His mercy in the face of my impatience and distrust

43. The sale of our house, which needed to occur on the exact day it occurred, under circumstances that could only have come together at that particular time in order for the sale to work. Amazing.

44. Unexpected and much needed email hugs from faraway friends

45. The excitement for change

46. Really good people who happen to be really good real estate agents

47. Comfy clean sheets

48. Readily available and free antibiotics from Publix

49. The Geek Squad at Best Buy who, once again, fixed my laptop for free. Love.

50. Big pink bows in my baby girl's curly blonde hair. (Yes, she is my child.) :)

**I have to add that I love it when James tells God, "and I hope you have a good night" at the end of his bedtime prayers.

Bedtime Stories for all

2011-03-13T20:39:00.001-04:00

So, since I've had the flu, Brian has been taking over Read-Aloud time before bed at night. Last week we started a new book:

I read this to my second graders every year and it's just one of my favorites. Anyway, so I just peeked in on the boys (because it's 8:30 and a smidge past bedtime) and I say:

"Everyone okay in here?"

JJ says: "Daddy's reading an extra chapter."

I say: "Daddy, it's 8:30."

Daddy says: "I gotta finish this chapter. This book's a trip. You ever read this?"

Once or twice, Daddy. Once or twice. :)

Multitude Monday

2011-03-07T09:27:00.001-05:00

These have been hard to do lately. I have been avoiding it. It's not that I don't have daily reminders of God's grace and love, it's just that I have just been so overwhelmed. The priority list has been full and I have put him on the bottom, as I so often do. This morning I struggle to find my gratitude, and for that I am sorry.

Mercy, Father.

31. Beautiful white pear tree blossoms

32. The smell of that new Tide Febreeze Sport coming from my Laundry Room

33. A pantry and refrigerator full of food for the week

34. Watching my first baby on the soccer field and being blown away by his skill and passion

35. Listening to my second baby count down the days to his own soccer practice with DADDY as his coach

36. Snuggles from JC - always, always snuggles from JC

37. "Mommy hold you." "Mommy rock rock."

38. Fun finds at consignment sales

39. Making Spring Break plans

40. The release of a good cry

Now, where did I put those ruby red slippers?

2011-03-05T22:15:00.001-05:00

I've been missing home a little more than usual lately, so I thought I'd share some of what I love and miss so much.

This is where I grew up. Well, to be completely honest, my home was right across the TN/GA border in a teeny tiny town called Rossville. But, most of my hours were spent right here. Somewhere on the bridge or one of those buildings. My wedding reception was on that beautiful mountain you see right there.

Speaking of weddings, this is the sanctuary at Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church where we got married. It was the church where I was confirmed, and the church where I began to get to know Jesus a little bit more closely.

Speaking of Jesus, this might be what he eats for lunch. In heaven. I grew up eating Krystal hamburgers and still have to get a sack whenever I go home. Deeeeelish!

Staying on the theme of food, this is another place that serves yummy, greasy food that I have to grab when I go home. The fries are the best ever! My Poppy and I loved a little drive-thru Central Park in the '64 Ford.

This is the view from Signal Point on Signal Mountain, the mountain on which I got married. We had Easter sunrise services here, we had youth group functions here, and I used to drive up here to clear my head when I had a teenage hormone-induced bad day. I'd say one of the things I miss most about home is this scene right here. I could come here anytime I wanted. The natural surroundings are so beautiful and so available. I have never liked the feeling that I needed to book a room at the Motel 6 in Asheville to get back to this view.

And this is my house. My grandparents lived in the house on the other side of that driveway. And the backyard is about three times the size of the front. If you drove straight up the driveway, you would drive right into the carport where Poppy parked that '64 Ford. I have climbed every single solitary tree in this picture and countless others that you can't see. My bedroom was that little window to the right of the front door. It was where I slept for 18 years. The mailbox is probably right where the photographer was standing when she took this picture. I remember looking through that picture window, waiting for the mailman to bring me my college acceptance letter, my report cards, my sweet letters from Brian, and running barefoot down that hot pavement and back into the cool grass, where I sat and opened them. There is so much I miss about that place right now. The familiarity, the comfort. I wonder if the trees would remember me if I ever went back to visit.

Over

2011-02-15T17:59:00.005-05:00

Merriam-Webster defines the word over as: across a barrier or intervening space; forward beyond an edge or brink.

This week I have been: overwhelmed, overscheduled, overjoyed, overtaken.

I have had some amazing things happen that can only be explained by the hand of God. And I have some feelings stirred up in me that have OVERWHELMED me with sadness.

We got a contract on our house. OVERJOYED! God has worked a plan so perfect that I am embarassed that I ever doubted his timing.

Between soccer tournaments and practices, trunk shows, rehearsals, church meetings and functions, field trips, school plays, kindergarten orientations, and deadlines, I have been OVERSCHEDULED! My nerves are frayed and I am snippy with my children and husband.

I've been struggling with feeling lonely. I miss home. I miss friends. I am OVERTAKEN with sadness and jealousy. I write lists of gratitude with my eyes rolled in the back of my head. "Yes, Lord. I'm grateful for all these things, but...."

I would love to carve out a few hours to just reflect on all this and pray and cry it out. But now, I have five minutes to get ready for a school function. The babysitter just rang the doorbell.

I promise to be your best friend....

2011-01-17T11:50:00.004-05:00

if you buy/rent/lease my old house :)

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/6106-Hampton-Leas-Lane_Columbia_SC_29209_M61669-46952

Oh look - a TOUR!

View from the Dogwood

2011-01-14T19:10:00.008-05:00

I have these moments that hit me as I'm driving to soccer practice or waiting in line at the drive-thru and I think, "I really should write that down before I forget."

I've been preoccupied with forgetting lately. I love so many things about my life and see how quickly it is all going by. Since I don't have a camera crew following me around or even a video camera AT ALL from this century, I want to do a better job of writing down my memories.

When I was a little girl, I lived in a really great neighborhood. Of course, at the time I thought it was the WORST neighborhood because there weren't big houses with kids everywhere and a pool down the street. But now that I'm a parent, I can see just how great it was.

First of all, there weren't any fences. Fences are great these days - child predators, careless pet owners, and nosy neighbors make us glad for our gates and boundary keepers. Back then though, everyone's yard ran together. I'd go straight from my backyard to Chris' backyard which backed up to Joe's grandparents' house, which was right across the street from Joe's house. I learned to ride my back on a slightly sloped driveway next door to Joe's grandparents. The owners of that driveway didn't have any children, but they were happy to share. We would ride our bikes down the driveway and into their backyard (that backed up to my backyard) and I would just fall down in the grass. Then I'd do it again.

The best part of our neighborhood, though, was the amount of trees. It was before big bulldozers and big land-clearing machines made subdivisions for houses made from cookie cutters. You wouldn't classify me as a tomboy, but I sure did love to climb trees! I was an expert. And the best tree in the whole neighborhood was right in my backyard. Or it might have been Chris' or Joe's grandparents, but it was somewhere back there. My favorite tree was this gigantic, beautiful, inviting dogwood tree that bloomed with white blossoms. Dogwood trees are typically shorter trees and thrive underneath the canopy of their taller cousins like pines and oaks. But not this one. Although it was one of the tallest, its limbs were low enough for me to start my climb and go almost all the way to the top - as if it had been designed especially for me. In the warmer weather, I would climb that tree almost every day. The way it was situated on the big hill, I could see for what seemed to be forever.

Now that my children are at the age that I hold my first memories, I find myself going back to that tree often. From there I could see beyond my house, beyond my family, beyond my boundaries. And even though I couldn't see into my future, I believe that God met me there to give me peace. Peace that passed my understanding. Peace that he had me in his hands.

So often I want to go back to that neighborhood and the little brick house.

And I want to talk to the girl in the dogwood tree and tell her how great her life is going to be.

And share her future as she looks beyond.

Her future.

Which are now my memories.

and so it begins...

2011-01-07T17:54:00.002-05:00

A free photo slideshow by Smilebox

*One day I will be an amazing photographer. But today is not that day.

Strange things are afoot

2011-01-07T08:26:00.012-05:00

What's going on this week? Is the Earth off its axis? Is the apocalypse eminent for real? Because this week has been full of weirdness.

First of all, we got a call while we were in the mountains that our security alarm was going off. Two seconds later, we got a call from a real estate agent who just "dropped by" to show the house. I'm not going to get into the craziness of the next 10 minutes, but let's just say it all worked out and none of my valuable paper plates or Target artwork pieces are missing. Now, if I'm that agent and I'm that client, I would run screaming from our house. Nope. They want to see it again this weekend. Crazy.

And then another agent wanted to show the house on Tuesday. They came at 2:30. "Love the house, hate the yard." Yeah yeah. You and the rest of the free world.

Wednesday afternoon, I arrived home with the little ones in time to see a man and a young woman parked outside of my house. I rolled down my window, "Hi, can I help you?" "Yes, we called earlier and wanted to see the house at 12:15." "Oh, yes. I told your lovely assistant that 12:15 was a difficult time for me and she was waiting to hear from you to reschedule. "Oh, I guess I didn't get the message (not true,) can we do a quick walk through right now?"

Okay. Let me articulate what wanted to come out of my mouth at that point:

Look, I totally understand that I have a house for sale in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad market. And I totally understand that I need to be flexible. But dude, if this two year-old little lady in the back seat does not get her hiney in the bed before 12:30, I will personally stalk out your ass and leave her whining, fussing, non-stop talking, frilly booty on your doorstep for the rest of the afternoon and I will run away so fast that you and your superfly Saab with the tinted windows will never find me. Capish?

Instead I said, "12:15 is just a really difficult time for me." (Didn't I just say that, miracle ear?)

So, they tromped around in the yard (deal-breaker) and said they'd call if interested. Yes. Buh-bye.

And by some miracle, they are coming back on Saturday.

Thursday, yet another agent wants to show the house today and the HL house has even had some activity!

All of this is amazing news, but weird. We've had the GB house listed for a year next month and have shown it maybe eight times total. And now five times in two weeks?!

There are more weird happenings in Blackwelder life that I will just have to go into another time - like my sweet nine year-old asking me questions like, "Mom, what's Spin the Bottle?" and "What do I do when two girls want to be my girlfriend?" and "What is sexting!?"

Deliver me.

"But this time around...."

2011-01-06T11:23:00.001-05:00

"But this time around, I'm acknowledging Him in all my ways."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6

Multitude Monday

2011-01-03T20:37:00.003-05:00

21. Starbucks Gift Cards for Christmas

22. Healthy children

23. A husband who has a job that allows him to be home each night

24. The security of leaving my children at amazing schools each day.

25. Music like this

26. And this

27. A quiet house in the morning

28. Heat

29. Memories of huge smiles and squeals while snow tubing last week

30. Grace, Grace, Grace.

Happy OCD Holiday!

2011-01-03T15:57:00.010-05:00

Okay, peeps. Let's be real. Let's call it what it is. New Year's Day is like, my favorite holiday. Some people like it because they have the day off. Some think it's great because it's a football day. Others like New Year's because it's a couple of days they can spend time with their good friends: Cham and Pagne.

I love New Year's because it is a day when the rest of the WHOLE WORLD is JUST LIKE ME! Everyone is making lists! Everyone is starting from scratch! Everyone is trying to get organized! Everyone is totally setting themselves up for failure and it's NOT. JUST. ME! HOOOOOORAY!!! *confetticonfettipartyhornspompoms*

Pardon me.

I'm actually not so cynical that I believe that we are all setting ourselves up for failure. I love the idea that we all want to better ourselves and January 1st is a great day to feel that collective hug from the rest of humanity. Everyone around you is encouraging. You can almost here Creation cheering you on.

So. I have spent the better part of the last year learning and growing in my faith. I have a loooong way to go, but my favorite part about walking with Christ is knowing that every single solitary day of my life he is cheering me on.

When I throw in the towel on the menu plan, he is cheering me on. When I ditch the coupons in six weeks, he will not be angry. When the clothes aren't set out the morning before, he will not think less of me. When I collapse in a few months because my unattainable goals were not attained, he will give me peace.

Jesus is so awesome.

Now, for those goals that I hope to attain:

1. Closer to Christ, please.

*I hope to pray often and much. And with my family.

*I hope to memorize more of God's wonderful Word through this really cool place.

2. Less restaurants, more dinner table.

*I hope to keep up with a regular menu plan and actually cook what's on it, rather than just look at it all neat and pretty on my magnet board in my kitchen.

*I hope to continue to kick refined flours and sugars out the door. High Fructose, BE GONE!

3. Health. Ugh.

*~~I hope to drink more beer~~. Wait - no. Dang.
*I hope to finally complete my goal of running a 5K this April. Even if it kills me. Which it probably will.

*I hope to drink a big ass glass of water every day. Gross.

4. Relationships

*I hope to spend more time with Brian.

*I hope to reconnect with friends and keep in touch with those that are far away. (so many of them are far away - sniff sniff.)

*I hope to acknowledge birthdays and important occasions. I truly suck at this.

5. Misc.

*I hope to spend WAY less time on the computer and more time with myself and my family and the Lord.

What do you have on your list? What do you hope to do in the year to come? Whatever you are choosing, the Lord and I are cheering you on!

*confetticonfettipompoms*

God's provision...including Butterfingers

2010-11-01T09:24:00.002-04:00

12. The end of Halloween (I know it's awful, but I'm a Halloween scrooge.)

13. Celebrating the day I started dating my sweet husband - 17 years ago - who were those kids??

14. God's provision for my family, even when I doubt and worry

15. The kind of friends you can go without seeing for months, yet when you see them again, feel no awkward feelings and only love

16. My church, and the privilege to worship there freely

17. Butterfingers, that I may or may not be eating for breakfast

18. Orange spiced tea from my mom that I live on when my throat hurts

19. Tomato soup out of a can - YUM!

20. The time I spent with my baby girl handing out treats last night. I didn't have a camera, but will cherish that sweet 20 minutes forever.

Gratitude

2010-10-27T11:14:00.000-04:00

Gratitude, which is a word we all take for granted, has been stirred up in me for awhile now. I guess it's when things are taken away from us that we most clearly discern our needs from our wants. The last couple of years have certainly been challenging for us; and while I have cried out in anger and shaken my fist at God on more than several occasions, I also can see how he has used these trials for his glory and my good.

With that, I'll start. I pause to give thanks to God for

1. a roof over my head

2. beautiful, healthy children

3. a husband that truly loves me

4. the girl who does my hair so that my natural color comes through (ahem hush)

5. the ugly chocolate cake my kiddos made for their Daddy's birthday

6. ugly chocolate cake for breakfast

7. true friends who don't judge

8. God's faithfulness despite my doubt and worry

9. music that inspires me, that gives me energy, that helps me cry when i need to, that makes me dance like a fool

10. good memories

11. learning that growing in faith doesn't mean changing who i am

Better than a Hallelujah

2010-08-10T06:50:00.001-04:00

God loves a lullaby in a mother's tears at night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God love the drunkard's cry,
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out

We pour out out miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

A new dawn, a new day, a new entry

2010-08-09T10:50:00.001-04:00

Oh, hello there.

I have pulled myself out of the chasm of deep thoughts and depressing posts. For now.

I told you that the new blog style was going to be wide open. I'm going to write what I want, when I want, and how I want. I've read all those "How-To" articles on blogging. They tell you that it's important to write for a specific audience, have a specific style, and to NEVER post about your boring day, your problems, or what you had for breakfast.

Cheerios. That's what I had for breakfast. And you know what, the fact that I had a COMPLETE bowl of Cheerios is VERY INTERESTING to me.

Ahem.

That being said, here's what's going on with me.

Bug started school today. He's in the 4K program at our oh so very amazing church preschool. I will just say that I did AWESOME! Who cares about the actual kid, let's talk about ME! Let's talk about my mental state as I watch my kids do horrifying things start to read and turn nine. Don't get me wrong, I obviously know that this is what's supposed to happen. I just won't tell you it's easy to watch your babies grow up at lightning speed.

Because of the pending start of school, I have been in full throttle organization mode. I continue to have an unhealthy love for organizational products and school supplies and GOD HELP the person that goes with me to Staples during tax-free weekend. So far, I've put up a new family calendar station, printed out my menu planning resources, created a financial maintenance notebook for our Dave Ramsey love, categorized my recipes by course, installed chore charts for the kiddos, and put together a ~~OCD induced~~ basic Household Resource Binder. All binders and notebooks are kept in a beautiful leather file box thingy on my kitchen counter so I can bask in the organizational splendor each day. Love is a 3-ring binder, people.

Oh, let's see. What else.

I'm about to start training for a race. Again. Little Moo is going to school two days a week this year, which will free me up to work a little on my fitness. I will, once again, partake in the Couch-to-5K program that I did the last time I tried this nonsense. And once again, I will have 911 on speed dial for the first two weeks. OH. Speaking of death-by-exercise, The Biggest Loser (our family's favorite show) is having some sort of race in Myrtle Beach on September 25th. I think we're totally going to go. JJ is especially obsessed with the show and thinks Bob and Jillian are rock stars. The boy can tell you the winners of the last three seasons and how much weight they lost. Sounds fun, right? Only if I can actually complete the race by then. Methinks I do not need to participate in the sucking of wind whilst running next to Jillian Michaels.

I have a ton of other things on my mind, but my sweet little baby girl demands that she MUST change into her pink tutu. Priorities.

Perfectly Imperfect

2010-08-03T12:18:00.018-04:00

One of JJ's favorite things to do during our vacation this past June was picking up shells from the beach. It's interesting to me, because he is not my focused child, if you know what I mean. He is the first one to suggest a game of tag, or chase, or soccer, or jump on the bed until someone falls off and starts bleeding. He isn't my reader, my writer, or my thinker. He is just...GO!

So, you have to understand how curious it was to me that each evening, after showers and shrimp suppers, JJ would ask if we could collect shells. How could I resist?

As a child, I loved collecting shells. I used to look for certain kinds: the rare scallop shell, the perfectly attached "butterfly shell" as I called it, and any shell with a hole in it for necklace making purposes - my own jewels from the sea.

But my son, he didn't care to find anything rare, or sparkly, or perfectly put together. He was on the search for what I thought were the ugliest, most boring, lifeless shells there could ever be. Oyster shells.

As he filled his bucket to the BRIM with these things, I started to tell him things like, "Honey, I think that's enough," "Try to get some that aren't all broken," and "Why don't you look for some shells that are special?" His reply to me: "Mom, I think these are special! I like the broken ones!"

And then I heard His still, small voice.

But now thus says the Lord, who created you, who formed you:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the LORD your God...you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you."

Wow. How often I see myself as this shell - ordinary, dull, imperfect, broken. I dig into those perceptions and define my whole being by them. But when I think about my sweet boy and the love he has for those shells - the sheer delight he had in gathering as many of them as possible, I think of my Heavenly Father. How much greater He must love me than even that.

So, I imagine myself as the shell and my Father being like my oldest child. He gathers me up from the shore and holds me in His hand as if He has found a treasure. I imagine Him looking at the dull, broken shell and smiling as He calls me by name and says, "My child, you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you."

And I am overwhelmed by His grace.

*scripture above taken from Isaiah 43:1-7

Regret

2010-08-02T10:11:00.004-04:00

Being a mother fills my life with a range of emotions that is hard to translate. In the span of sometimes less than an hour I can feel defeat, anger, joy, and gratitude. A roller coaster is the most obvious analogy, but really it feels more like a blender.

Summers are difficult in my house. There, I said it. I don't like summer. Lately, I've run into mothers while out and about and asked the polite but I'm-in-a-hurry-so-I'll-ask-you-an-obvious-question-that-only-requires-a-one-word-response question.

"Have you all had a good summer?"

And we all say, "Yes!" "I can't believe it's over." "It went by too fast."

Secretly, I'm thrilled. I love a routine. I love a schedule. I love it when my children aren't on top of each other. I love it when I don't have to play Julie McCoy, Cruise Director and plan an endless list of activities to keep my kiddos from whining all summer only to have them WHINE all summer. I struggle with being jealous of friends who have houses in beautiful places to use as an escape. Needless to say, I should be doing cartwheels when I drop off my little ones at their respective schools.

But I won't. I will cry. And I will cry all day. I will cry when I look at the clock and think it's time for Molly's morning snack, but she won't be here. I will cry when I look at the clock and see that it's time to load up the car for swim practice, but the boys will be gone. I will cry when little Bug tells me that he wants to stay for lunch and play in the afternoon instead of coming home with me. I will miss them terribly - and I will regret that I ever wished away the summer.

Regret overwhelms me these days. I am spending too much of my time thinking about how quickly my babies are growing up and all the things that I never did with them or for them. I regret that I never saved the money to have portraits painted of them in their five year-old preciousness. I regret that I didn't have more professional photos taken. I regret that I didn't write letters to each on their birthdays. I regret all the times I told them, "Not now, I'm busy." Because I know that one day they will tell me, "Not now, Mom. I'm busy," and my own words will come back to bite me.

My mind tells me that I am justified by grace through faith, not by the paintings on my walls or the scrapbooks that I never put together. It tells me that perfection cannot be achieved in this life, nor was that what my life is meant to accomplish. My mind tells me that I am doing the best that I can.

But my heart tells me that one day I am going to look back and wish that I had used my time more wisely, that I had more photos of their precious little faces, that I had something tangible to remember how unconditionally they loved me and needed me. My heart sees my children growing up more quickly than I remember growing up and the hourglass telling me that I have very little time left to be a great parent.

I used to say that everything in life, especially the mistakes, served a purpose. I used to say that I didn't believe in regret.

And already my words come back to bite me.

Sleepless in South Carolina

2010-07-07T03:43:00.002-04:00

You know what's annoying? When mommy bloggers set up twenty different blogs and spend hours thinking up names for those cute little blogs and then stay up way WAY past their bedtime finding cute little layouts for the cute little blogs and then actually write like, twice a year.

Yeah, I hate that.

Who knows why I'm blogging again. Wait, yes I do. At this moment in time I am blogging because I have the WORST case of insomnia I have ever had and that includes pregnancy - so you know it's bad. It is seriously 3:20 a.m. and I have not one ounce of sleepiness in my body. I have laid down (layed down? lain down? layeth down?) twice and stared at the walls for twenty minutes. Nothing.

I think it might be fun to start this writing thing again. I've changed a lot in the last year or so. Like, a LOT. I can truly say for the first time in my life that I am not 100% interested in what people think of me. Only like 65% - which is BIG point drop for me. I might actually write about stuff I want to write about. Not just about my kids (the right choice) or music (the fun choice) or my mad domestic skills (the big fat liar choice). I think this time around I'll write about all of the above and then some - with no set schedule. No Menu Monday or Thankful Thursday or Feng Shui Friday. Just whatever I want to write about.

I'm just hoping it won't be at 3:34 a.m. next time.

Ho hum. What to now?

I wonder if I should make another blog. There was that cute little design with the bird....

Menu Plan Monday - 9/28

2009-09-28T16:07:00.004-04:00

Let me take this opportunity to smash my head against my desk wondering why oh why my child has to be the most HIGH MAINTENANCE LUNCH EATER EVER! Yo! Kid! Ever heard of such wonders as Turkey Sandwiches? Peanut Butter and Jelly? Cheese Sticks?

What up with the, "Hey Mom, Can you put little containers of stuff in my lunchbox so I can make my own mini pizzas?"

I'm all, "Who the freak do you sit next to? Martha Stewart? And by the way, if you go through the line, Mr. Public School, your lunch costs you like, 57 cents or something NUTS like that so I am TOTALLY okay with you eating something completely gross and unhealthy every once in a while.

I mean, who doesn't like SCHOOL PIZZA? Indulge in a square, soggy piece of school cafeteria goodness, dude!

Word of the Day

2009-09-28T10:10:00.007-04:00

It's no secret that I've been struggling to blog lately. I can't decide if it's because I feel guilty - knowing that there are a million other things I should be doing, if it's because of OCD issues - wanting to compose that perfect post, or if it's just because I have nothing to say. I don't think it's the latter because - hello - I have cute kids and they are ALWAYS doing funny stuff. Whatever the issue, I'll work it out eventually - in the meantime, enjoy this cute moment with me and my middle child.

Last night I was rocking the closet organization in the boys' bedroom. I can't even remember the last time I had all their clothes in one place, so the sight of ALL of their shirts hanging up was joyous for me. JC's side of the closet was a rainbow of golf shirts and I already had my sights set on which one we'd be wearing the next day.

Fast forward to this morning. Most of the time I pick out what the boys will be wearing, which I know is like, HORRIBLE for their self esteem and mental development and I will probably have to bail someone out of Juvie in a few years and I'll be all, "But your Honor, it's not his FAULT! It's all because I picked out his shirts and now he CAN'T HANDLE LIFE'S RESPONSIBILTIES!!"

But whatever.

It's fall and I'm pushing it with the madras shorts, but I really want to get as much use out of them as I can. So, this morning I had the cute shorts all picked out and ready and brought out my FAVORITE bright yellow golf shirt to go with it. My little bug came bouncing into the room to get dressed. His eyes locked in to the bright sunshine-y shirt and he said...

"Nooooooooo!!! Nooooooooo!

Thinking that he had repressed some horrible memory in which he was wearing Happiness Yellow, I said, "What? What's wrong?!"

"Noooooo! Not that one!!!" "Too Buppony!!!"

Apparently, his older brother has shared with him his hatred for collared shirts with buttons (which is a JOY on Sunday mornings).

Somehow I am going to have break them of this because the Blackwelder budget isn't going to provide my children with a new, bupponless wardrobe.

Today's challenge: Use the word buppon in a sentence today - preferably with someone important and judgmental - like your boss or mother-in-law.

Menu Plan Monday - 9/21

2009-09-21T00:47:00.006-04:00

What a major loser way to break the blog ice. Whatever works, I guess.

I've gone through cycles in my ~~OCD~~ organizational life. There have been times when you couldn't see my laundry room floor and there have been times when my life was color coded within an inch of its life. I guess I'm falling somewhere in between these days. As much as I love a good, old-fashioned filing session, with the three little ones, it's all I can do to get them out the door with clothes on and bodies clean. Hair brushing optional.

With Big Brother, though, he's showing signs of borderline ADD, but we are NOT GOING THERE. When our life is in a good, steady routine, he shows vast improvement in concentration, so that's what we're doing. Down to letting him help me plan the menu for the week. It's UNBELIEVABLE how much easier our days go when he knows that the menu is posted and unchangeable AND that he had a say in it. Because of course we all know that even if I had chosen the exact same menu FOR him, it would all but suck.

So, here is our week in food. I do this with great motivation from OrgJunkie.

Sunday
Breakfast - Nothing special due to the swine flu recovery
Lunch - Leftovers, Mashed Potatoes for JJ
Supper- Chicken and Stuffing Casserole, Steamed Broccoli

Monday - Cub Scouts cancelled tonight
Breakfast - Honey Nut Cheerios, Turkey Sausage links
Lunch - Leftover Chicken and Stuffing, Mandarin oranges
Supper - Chicken Noodle Soup, Grilled Cheese

Tuesday - Bug Soccer Practice
Breakfast - Banana Bread
Lunch - Chicken Fingers, Apple Slices
Supper - Crockpot Ribs, Corn on the Cob, Baked Beans

Wednesday - Church night
Breakfast - Whole Wheat Waffles, Turkey Sausage links
Lunch - Leftover Ribs, Tossed Salad (lettuce, bacon, cheese, ranch)
Supper - CHURCH

Thursday - JJ Soccer practice
Breakfast - Boiled Egg, Bacon
Lunch - Spaghettios (don't judge), Gogurt
Supper - Crockpot Beef Stew, Brown Rice, Whole wheat rolls*

Friday - JJ Soccer development
Breakfast - Cheerios and Bananas
Lunch - Roast Beef Sandwich, Strawberries, Surprise Friday Dessert
Supper - Drive thru Zoes. I don't cook on Friday nights. Learn it now.

Saturday - Soccerpalooza - JJ's Game, Bug's Game, Daddy's Game**
Breakfast - Daddy's Pancakes
Lunch - Something quick in the car on the way to PC
Supper - Alumni Game Cookout

*True Confessions - I flat out LOST IT today at Publix when the manager broke the news to me that Pillsbury no longer made their frozen whole wheat rolls. I mean, I was PISSED. (note to self: up the meds)

**Daddy's Game shall be defined as a moment in time, occurring once a year, in which old, balding men make a pilgrimage back to the hallowed grounds of their youth and participate in the sucking of wind as they play soccer against each other and, with great merriment tell the same stories they tell every. single. year.

See?! See?!

2009-01-06T22:06:00.000-05:00

It's been over a week since my last post - two, really - the last one was stolen from the Word of the Lord.

I have thought of a bajillion things to journal here, but as usual, I have negative free moments in a day to sit down and type. The bummer is that SOME of the things I want to write about are actually INTERESTING! SOME are even THOUGHT-PROVOKING! How do you DO IT blogger moms of the world? WHEN do you find the time to THINK? READ? WRITE? TYPE THINGS THAT AREN'T SINGLE WORDS IN ALL CAPS WITH QUESTION MARKS?

I have to go the store today. It will take me five hours to get my two children out the door, so I should go.

Geez Louise.

Good tidings of great joy

2008-12-25T22:06:00.000-05:00

Luke 2: 1-20

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

Bang!

2008-12-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

My biggest problem with blogging is that I'm always waiting for the perfect time to write. I wait for that long, quiet hour when everything else on my list is complete and I can sit at my laptop with a hot beverage and write something profound.

Snap out of it, woman!

Right now, for instance, I'm sitting in my bathrobe, unshowered, listening to the Disney Channel while my child sits on the couch in his underwear eating an apple. The other child is in her pink bouncy chair on my bed and will wake up within the next 10 minutes screaming as if I NEVER FEED HER! Profound thoughts left my brain years ago and are now replaced with things like, I wonder what would happen if I ate toffee bars for all three meals? or Did I shower yesterday? or Caillou's mom has great parenting tips. or Why can't SOMEONE keep the DAMN baby bunnies in the rabbit hutch, CURIOUS GEORGE? or Do I have the ingredients to make more toffee bars?

Due to this lack of time and mental ability to hold a thought more than 10 seconds, I give you The Bullet Point Post. It's blogging for short attention spans or free time-starved mothers. You'll get to know and love it like a child.

*Moo Moo smiled at me for SURE last night. She's been smiling for a while, but last night it was 110% real. It's going in the Baby Book. (note to self: get a Baby Book)

*Why do we have so much laundry? I'm pretty sure I've worn a bathrobe and/or jeans and a gray shirt for the last 30 days straight and judging by the smell of his soccer pants, Sugar Daddy never changes clothes. Are the kids hitting the mall at lunchtime? Are they opening credit accounts at Gymboree and Lands End Kids? Where does it COME FROM?! (or From WHENCE does it COME?! - if you want to be grammar-snotty)

*I don't want to wish away the childhood of my three year-old, but. I could do without three years old.

*I will, without question, have professional photos taken for our Christmas cards next year. I took 87 shots and didn't have ONE suitable for a card. Unless you count the one of JJ strangling Bug and Bug's face turning red. Ho, ho, ho.

*I'm about to break the ten o'clock rule. That is the rule that states: If mother is not dressed and ready for the day by 10:00, she will end up staying in her bathrobe and eating toffee bars for the duration of the day while her children watch inappropriate amounts of television.

I dedicate this house to the Griswold Blackwelder Family Christmas.

2008-12-04T22:05:00.000-05:00

We've been trying to decorate the house this week and it's just SO not going as I wished - but really, it never does. I always have visions of perfect family togetherness. All of us singing along to the Christmas music in the background, a fire in the fireplace, the boys drinking hot cocoa while I detail family memories attached to every ornament. Ah, Norman Rockwell, eat your heart out.

Instead, we have the boys' incessant whining about having to help decorate the tree because they'd rather be playing upstairs or watching some cartoon. When I suggest Rudolph or Frosty, I get a "No, thanks," and the channel is changed. Because apparently to my children, nothing quite says "Happy Holidays" like a new episode of My Life as a Teenage Robot.

I'm the only one singing because Brian doesn't know the lyrics to any song other than Hotel California, which, much to his surprise and dismay, is not a traditional Christmas tune.

It's 60 degrees outside, so there's no fire and the boys have been battling the tummy bug, so it's a no go on the hot cocoa. Instead, we have the traditional blue Gatorade. Festive.

Between all that and the baby going to the ER (she's fine), it's been quite a challenge getting our house Santa-fied. Who knows if we'll even get it finished before the weekend. All I know is that at the end of the day (and a couple of glasses of wine later,) I remember the greatest Christmas blessing is my beautiful, crazy family - teenage robot and all.

Norman Rockwell, eat your heart out.

Tabula Rasa

2008-12-03T22:05:00.000-05:00

So many blogs, so little time - or maintenance.

I have no excuse for not keeping up my other blog(s). I didn't like the design or the platform all that much, so I ditched. We could spend some time digging through my childhood, looking for possible reasons for my blog commitment issues, but really I'm just easily distracted by shiny new things. Plus, the OCD in me gets all aflutter over a clean, blank page.

Pretty Woman

2008-03-15T22:05:00.000-04:00

Old Lady at Opera: Did you like the opera, dear?
Vivian: It was so good, I almost peed my pants!
Edward Lewis: She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.

Okay, so it wasn't technically the opera. And I'm technically not Julia Roberts. But, for me, last night came pretty close to being a movie moment.

There are a million and one ways to introduce Renee Fleming, but to put it succinctly, she is one of the most beloved and popular sopranos of modern day. Her accolades are too numerous to mention here and her biography too interesting for me to attempt to summarize, but of all the information one could glean, the most important is to know and be blessed to hear her beautiful voice.

Last night, she performed her only recital of the year at The Peace Center in Greenville - just Ms. Fleming accompanied by piano. Two friends and I were lucky enough to share a box (free upgrade for the asking, thank you very much) which added a little drama and special touch to an already outstanding billing.

Her first performances were selections from Handel - to include Dank sei, dir Herr (Thanks Be To Thee, Lord), during which I drew my first tears of the evening.

Her next piece was crazy avant garde (for lack of better description). Apparition, by American composer, George Crumb, was more intriguing and interesting (to me,) than beautiful. Mad props to the accompanist, Richard Bado, who spent the majority of his time elbow deep in the belly of the piano knocking on the sound board and strumming strings. From where I sat, I could see a little of the score, and thought it looked like one of my children had swiped it from backstage and had some fun with a black marker. She later remarked that George Crumb often used unusual layouts of musical notation - this piece was written in a circle. (??) Bizarre as it all sounds, Crumb should be admired for his exploration into the different and unknown and for looking at music from another perspective.

The first half of the program ended with popular folk songs, Shenendoah and The Water is Wide.

The second half was filled with beautiful and popular arias, such as Song to the Moon from Dvorak's Rusalka - which her fans know as her signature piece. Possibly my favorite section was to follow with four selections from Richard Strauss, all written about different types of love.

Next up was my big rock star moment, as she sang O mio babbino caro from Puccini's Gianni Schicci. I seriously felt like a little girl at a Hannah Montana show. It's such a well known and popular aria, but to hear one of the greatest American sopranos of our time perform it - well - EEK!

She ended her regular program with the BEAUTIFUL and heartbreaking Vissi d'arte from Puccini's Tosca.

After much applause, the audience making sure she felt our gratitude and admiration, Renee returned for two encores with three selections - Arlen's Over the Rainbow (bringing more tears from yours truly), Gershwin's Summertime from Porgy and Bess, and Lerner and Loewe's I Could've Danced All Night from My Fair Lady - in which she invited the audience to sing along. My friend, Lyn leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "See, now you can always say that you've sung with Renee Fleming." Indeed, I have. Ha.

The last thing I'd like to note is how taken I was with her sincerity and grace. She took time to introduce her pieces and tell small, personal stories. She made everyone feel comfortable with what can be a very intimidating form of music. I feel amazingly blessed to have been able to see and hear her perform in such a pure, intimate way. I, for one will forever be inspired.

Julia Roberts should only be so lucky.

WHAT did you just call me?

2007-11-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, JJ and I were doing some ~~cleaning~~ playing in the playroom. He was in charge of puzzles, I was in charge of trash, board games, paper, crayons, train track, and Cheerios. Sugar Baby was in charge of eating Halloween candy found under the couch.

While six feet from each other, JJ and I have the following conversation.

"Uh, oh."

"Uh, oh what?"

"There's a piece missing from America."

"Which piece?"

"I don't know the name. It starts with an M.

"Montana?"

"No. MI."

"Michigan?"

"Uh-uh. MIS."

"Missouri?"

"OHHH! I know! I know! I sounded it out!"

"Wow, that's great! Which one?"

"Mrs. Pissy."

First Day of KINDERGARTEN!

2007-09-20T22:05:00.000-04:00

We had to get up soooo early to get to school by 8:00. (If only he knew what time Mommy woke up.)

All dressed in our uniform, Mommy takes the obligatory photo in front of the statue that welcomes you to the Lower School. The plaque underneath says:

"There are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. " -Walt Streightiff

Mommy and her BIG boy on his first day of BIG school. Can you see the death grip I have on my child? We will take the exact same picture the day he goes to college.

My BIG boy and his teacher - we love her! It was Cowboy week!

We're in our 5th week of school now and he's doing so great. I just can't believe he's in BIG school. So proud, so happy, so bittersweet.

Pins and Needles, I'm sure

2007-08-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

I know you all JUMPED out of your beds this morning hoping that I had written a conclusion to the Great Pool Dilemma of 2007. Not one to disappoint (and successfully finding a way to avoid dishes,) I give you this.

The almost six year-old love of my life would not SHUT IT about going swimming, so I called some neighbors across the way to get the official Terms of Service regarding the pool. The way I wrote that sentence makes you think that I am good buds with the folks across the street, and while we like them very much and we are friendly, the sheer fact that I had to do a whitepages.com search for people living on that street shows you just how close we are.

She answered and laughed with me at how weird it was to just show up at someone's pool, but also told me that there were other neighbors on the street that did it ALL the time. She even said she would go with me, but her boys were at her MIL's house so she could clean. And I was jealous. (Note to self: Write a blog about how sad it is the day you are jealous of someone who is housecleaning in peace.)

At about 3:15 I slapped a little sunscreen stick on our faces and loaded up the backpack and red wagon with pool paraphernalia. Off we rolled to the Very Nice Pool.

It was like Christmas morning for JJ - no kidding. It's not like we haven't gone to other pools this summer, but for some reason this was making his year. I'm thinking it was the fact that I totally caved in on his whining for once and not so much about the pool.

When we reached the driveway, I'm telling you, it was WEIRD! It is just WEIRD to open someone's back gate without permission. I am SUCH A RULE FOLLOWER! I am still the little private school nerdo who is freaked out at the possibility of getting 10 demerits and Saturday clean up detail. (Note to self: Write a blog on how you ended up a stay-at-home-mom who regularly participates in Saturday clean up detail.)

As we walked the beautifully landscaped path to the back, I kept looking around me as if the SWAT team was about to swoop down and raid the pool oasis with snipers and tear gas and automatic weapons. My heart was pounding. JJ was already in the pool. Way to break the ice.

JJ isn't quite ready to be in a pool without an adult present, mainly because he thinks he's invincible and can lengthen his legs to 9 feet when he gets in deep water. So, I set my cell phone alarm for 30 minutes, looked around again, peeked back to the front yard, peeked into the garage, and hopped in.

Y'all, it really is a very nice pool. It's not big, but it's shaded with all these really big trees that magically don't drop leaves and twigs. The trees are all well landscaped with really pretty grass and little stone pathways that lead to a little playset or a little outdoor fireplace with swing and benches or a hot tub under a little gazebo-type cover. I completely expected to see some little gnomes or fairies skipping along at any moment. And even though the thermostat was reading 112, it felt 85 and breezy.

Which is why it is just SAD that I couldn't enjoy ONE SECOND of my time there due to CONSTANTLY looking around and checking the time. We ended up getting out about five minutes before the alarm even went off. Luckily, JJ had jumped enough "Mommy, look at this one!" jumps to appease - and I didn't even get one whine.

I have never been so glad to leave a pool. And while I truly do believe that the neighbors there are whole-heartedly gracious and sincere, I am just not capable of pooling at their house without an invitation from them or someone closer to them. I would really like to be a card carrying member of the Very Nice Pool Club, but I think we're going to have to wait another summer.

Or at least until I know they're on vacation. ;)

To pool, or not to pool

2007-08-10T22:04:00.000-04:00

Good news! It's a whole one degree cooler today than it was yesterday! Only 104! Break out the cardigans!

This heat is sucking the life out of me, people. 104 today. 105 yesterday. 100 and too much the four days before that. Who can I blame for this? I mean, I know it's technically God controlling the weather, but I'm a good little Presbyterian and feel like I shouldn't challenge the Father Almighty on the temperature thing - which leaves me with no choice but to point the finger at Storm Team Meteorologist, Brooks Garner. Or one of his Storm Teammates.

I'd like to go to the pool this afternoon. Not my pool, mind you. In this new, lovely, well-manicured, suburban neighborhood of mine we have very nice neighbors. And on the cul-de-sac across from us we have very nice neighbors with a pool. They are SUCH very nice neighbors, in fact, that they have issued an open invitation to all of the children in our little cul-de-sac area to utilize their very nice pool.

I am not that very nice.

In the last two months, people have stopped by to say hello, welcome us, bring us pies, peek through our front door to see how we've changed the house - basically, scoping us out in their very nice way to make sure we brush our teeth and speak English. (We do both.) Each person has made a point to tell us about the very nice neighbors with the pool and how they don't mind AT ALL if we use it whenever we want. I mean, EVERYONE has told us the same thing.

But we didn't go. Because how do you walk up with your two children all sunscreened out, pool toys dripping off you, towels over your shoulder, cold drinks in hand and say, "Hey there! Nice to meet you! And can we use your bathroom if my son has to pee while he's in your very nice pool?! His aim is pretty good!"

I don't know. But yesterday was a different day. At 8:30 a.m. (!!), our doorbell rang (!!) and it was some very nice kids from across the street and their very nice babysitter inviting us to the pool (and bringing us an Oreo pie.) So now we have been assured that it is okay to go AND been double invited by an actual Cul-De-Sac Pool Member.

Oh, and it's one hundred and eleventy degrees outside.

So we go. And it is paradise. Shady. Pretty. Clean. Very nice. Lots of neighbors are there, so we fit right in, the owners come introduce themselves and assure us that yes, we are welcome anytime.

Of course, here we are now - inside the house watching the Prehistoric Planet on Discovery Kids. Again. I am learning more and more about the Iguanadon and its eating habits each day - but what I REALLY want to do is go across the street to the Very Nice Pool Club. On our way back from ~~Mecca~~
Target, we took a drive-by to see if we could hear any squeals or splashes, but alas. Technically, we have been invited, but is it still weird to anyone else to just show up at someone else's house unannounced so that you can jump in their property?

Hmm. Maybe I would feel better about it if I brought them a pie.

Love Bug's Birthday

2007-07-25T22:05:00.000-04:00

It was Thomas the Train - the lead free version.

Cake - YUM!

See the curls!!

There are lots more shots of him opening presents and running around, but the cutest ones are of him and the cake.

Brian and I celebrated later with our typical tradition of champagne and leftover cake. After all, it was a pretty great day for us, too.

Happy Birthday, Love Bug!

2007-07-22T22:04:00.000-04:00

Today is my baby's 2nd birthday. I think it's appropriate to repost his birth story. Two years gone. It just happens so fast. You can read his birth story, here.

Back Home

2005-07-29T22:04:00.000-04:00

The end of August was always one of my favorite times of the year. I can remember being a child in Chattanooga, sitting on the back of my Poppy's '64 Ford, feeling the first touch of cool in the breeze. I could feel summer begin its gentle rush out of the air like the first leaf of fall in a slow moving stream. The end of August always meant it was time to scrub down the house and start packing away the bathing suits and pool toys. It was time to go shopping for school clothes and light sweaters to take to football games. The number of lightning bugs dwindled with each passing night - and I used to wonder if fireflies everywhere were saying goodbye to their mayonnaise jars and summer friends so they could begin their preparations for the fall - just like me.

A couple of decades later, I couldn't find myself further away from that feeling. Here in Columbia, SC, the end of August feels like the pinnacle of summertime. It is an undescribable heat and humidity that does nothing but breed mosquitos and make me cranky. School started the first week of August, so there was no school shopping - and I won't see a sweater for another two months. The boundary line between summer and fall is so blurred that I wonder what it's like for children making the transition from vacation to school. Here, it feels no different than starting school on July 4th. Except maybe it's hotter.

I am usually taking the angry voice when describing Columbia. It's no secret that this city isn't my favorite and that I am in a constant state of homesick. The irony is, though, Columbia hasn't been bad to me. In fact, in some ways it's been extremely good.

When I first moved to Columbia, I quickly learned that I had two new names - "Brian's wife" and "that girl that Brian married." I've always been a little more on the independent side, so a few months of that crap and I knew I had to suck it up and try to get a life. Enter the Junior League. I could honestly write a dissertation on the League and how I benefited from it - and it from me. Saving you from that torture, I will say this in summary - the Junior League of Columbia gave me a chance to prove to this community that I was a worthwhile leader and could stand on my own two feet. A few years after living here, the true moment of validation came when an aquaintance of mine introduced her friend to Brian by saying, "This is Margie's husband." We still laugh about it.

Columbia has also been the place where my two beautiful children were born. The doctors that took care of me during my pregnancies and especially the doctors, surgeons, and specialists that have been critical to my first child's development are irreplacable to me. In fact, when I get the most down about being in Columbia, I remind myself of those doctors and what blessings they have been to us.

As good as those things are, the frustrations still outnumber them. I am frustrated by the weather, the choice of schools, my lack of strong friendships, the inability to move forward, and the general feeling of living in a box. I call Columbia a box because no one ever gets out. Even those that grow up and leave the city to go to college - 99% of them come back. It's as if they don't know how to do anything else. I was taught that I could go anywhere and do anything - in fact - I couldn't WAIT to get out of Chattanooga and try something different. I wouldn't have believed you if you told me that one day, all I'd want to do is go back.

When I look in the mirror these days I don't see the same little girl that grew up a block from the Tennessee border. I don't see the long braids or ponytails. There are no ribbons to match my dress. I don't climb trees or play my brown fisher price record player anymore - and Poppy's '64 Ford was gone shortly after we lost him in '98. The person staring back at me has come far and endured much. She is a teacher, a community leader, a survivor, a wife, a mother. I fall asleep counting my blessings because I have so many for which to be thankful.

But still, at this time of year I like to close my eyes and hear my mom call me in for supper. And more than anything, I want to hop off the back of the truck, close up the tailgate, and run down the hill to my screened porch. Because before I was a a teacher, a community leader, a survivor, a wife, and a mother - I was just a little girl - pulling the ribbons out of her ponytails, running into the house, saying goodbye to the fireflies - as we all made our way back home.